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4 weeks later and still have one specific regret hanging over my head

2022.01.28 08:11 marcm6246 4 weeks later and still have one specific regret hanging over my head

All my life I have always tended to sit on the left whenever i’m choosing a seat somewhere. In the car, I go immediately to the left passenger side. In a restaurant I let my brother slide into the booth in front of me so I can be sitting on the left. It’s just always been a thing with me.
So naturally, when me and my dad went into the bereavement room at our vets office to put our cat to rest and I saw 2 chairs side by side, by habit I let him go in front of me so I could be sitting to the left… And i’ve been regretting that for the 4 weeks since that day.
When the vet came in with Danza after getting the IV catheter put in, he placed her down on the soft blanket on the table in a position where the only person in my cat’s field of vision was my dad. I, of course, was petting her head and comforting her… So I know she knew I was there… But i’m unfortunately totally fixated on the fact that I wasn’t the last person she saw… My dad was.
And I hate that i’m hung up on this since it’s not the worst thing in the world that my dad was the last person she saw… He cared for her a lot and was petting her and comforting her as she passed… And I know she saw that and drifted away at ease in a room full of love between the two of us… But I definitely had the closest bond with her. I’m the first person in my family that Danza ever saw. I’m the one she stuck her paw out at all those years ago at the shelter when she chose me. So to be the first person she saw, the person she chose, the person she had the closest bond with… To not be the last person she saw just eats away at me sometimes.
And to rub salt in the wound, my dad wishes she wasn’t looking at him. He says she was looking “right at me” and he says he’ll never get the look of her staring at him as she passed away out of his head. It makes him sad and uncomfortable… He gets choked up when he tries to talk about it. He witnessed her transition from alive to deceased and described the look in her eyes as “a candle blowing out”. I remember in the moment he said “her eyes are greying over”. I won’t know what that looks like. Perhaps it’s a good thing I didn’t see that? Maybe… It might have been an image i’d have issues coping with. But I also think, and maybe this might sound odd… But in a way it might have brought me closure seeing her pass and knowing I was the last person she saw. I just wish the vet had placed her in a way where she could see me, or both of us. Not just my dad.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? I just wish, for once, I had chosen to sit on the right…
That’s all. Thank you all for listening ❤️
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2022.01.28 08:11 ASICmachine Saw an NFT post from a band I follow and got thinking about how that's pretty much the 1 legitimate usecase I can see for them thus far (x-post from /r/Cryptocurrency)

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2022.01.28 08:11 ASICmachine Smart contracts on Cardano hits the 1,000 milestone (x-post from /r/Cryptocurrency)

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Thanks :D
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2022.01.28 08:11 FortunateMutation Reduce Mouse Area


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